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[nalye 20]

Sind viele gute Weisheiten dabei

Article 1 : Bro's before ho's

Article 2 : A bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it

Article 3 : If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown

COROLLARY: Naming a lapdog after a pro wrestler or a character from a Steve McQueen movie does not absolve a Bro from the spirit of this article

Article 4 : A Bro never divulges the existance of The Bro Code to a woman. It is a sacred doucment not to be shared with chicks for any reason... no, not even that reason

Note: If you are a woman reading this, first, let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math

Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is- a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience though the prism if stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.

Article 5 : Whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.

Article 6 : A Bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Bros in a gym locker room

COROLLARY: If a bro gets naked in a locker room, all other Bros shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while, at the same time, immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage: "If a towel drops to the floor, so should your eyes".

Article 7 : A Bro never admits he can't drive, even after an accident

Article 8 : A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro

Article 9 : Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimme three!" or "Wowm quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball". It's still a high five and that Bro still has a lot of balls... metaphorically speaking, of course

Article 10 : A Bro will drop whatever he's doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick

Article 11 : A Bro may ask his Bro(s) to help him move, but only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large pieces of furniture. If the Bro has vastly underestimated either, his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are - in most cases, stuck in the doorway.

Article 12 : Bros do not share dessert.

Article 13 : All Bros shall dub one of their bros his wingman

Article 14 : If a chick inquires about another Bros sexual history, a Bro shall honour the Brode of Silence and play dumb. Better to have women think all men are stupid than to tell the truth.

Article 15 : A Bro never dances with his arms above his head.

Article 16 : A Bro should be able, at any time, to recite the following reigning champions: Super Bowl, World Series and Playmate of the Year.

Article 17 : A Bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers, unless they are beneath him on the pyramid of Screaming.

Article 18 : If a Bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after can canvassing the group.

NOTE: To avoid confrontation, it’s a good idea for the bro to jettison the receipt before returning to the party.

Article 19 : A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro’s sister. However, a Bro shall not get angry of another Bro says, “Dude, your sister’s hot!”

COROLLARY: It’s probably best for everyone if Bros just hide pictures of their sisters when other Bros are coming over.

Article 20 : A Bro respects all his Bros in the military because they’ve selflessly chose to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday.

Article 21 : A Bro never shares observations about another Bro’s smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying, “She’s smoking-hot, huh?” a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he’s the only one who should be baiting.

Article 22 : There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro.

Article 23 : When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes, but is not limited to, exercise shows, women’s athletics, and on some occasions, surgery programs.

Article 24 : When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o’ clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.

Article 26 : Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.

Article 27 : A Bro never removes his shirt infront of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach.

Corollary: A Bro with a coat of fur on his back keeps that thing covered at all times, even at a resort pool or the beach. Sorry, Bro.

Article 28 : A Bro will, in timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight.

Article 29 : If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40 PM. Also, despite the cost of savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.

Article 30 : A Bro doesn't comparison shop.

Article 32 : A Bro doesn't allow another Bro to get married until he's at least thirty.

Article 33 : When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, "What is this a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to shoot his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball... rebounding is optional.

Article 34 : Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's threeway.

Article 35 : A Bro never rents a chick flick.

Article 36 : When jquestioned in the company of women, a Bro alays decries fake breasts.

HOW TO HANDLE FAKE BREASTS

Wrong Answer

Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.

Bro: Totally. Unnatural is unsexy.

Chick: So you've been staring at her breasts, huh?

Wrong Answer

Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.

Bro: Whose?

Chick: You know who I'm talking about.

Bro: Oh. Yes, those must be fake.

Chick: So you've been staring at her breasts, huh?

Wrong Answer

Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.

Bro: No?

Chick: Well then, why don't you go marry her, then???

Correct Answer

Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.

Bro: I Wouldn't know.

Chick: Oh. Well they are.

Article 37 : A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If a women insist on having their own professional basketball league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly, they're not that heavy.

Article 38 : Even ina fight to the death, a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.

Article 39 : When a Bro gets a chick's number, he waits at least ninety-six hours before calling her.

Article 40 : Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and atempt to heal him. this is more commonly known as "a bahelor party."

Article 41 : A Bro never cries.

EXCEPTIONS: Watching Field of Dreams, E.T., or a sports legend retire.

Article 43 : A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.

Article 44 : A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro.

EXCEPTION: If the Bros are within 7 degrees latitude of the equator.

Article 45 : A Bro never wears jeans to a strip club.

Article 46 : If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unless the dude has (a) taken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, © makes the bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced the on-fligt movie is 27 Dresses. See Article 35.

Article 47 : A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe.

Article 48 : A Bro never publically reveals how many chicks he's banged.

COROLLARY: A Bro never reveals how many chicks another Bro has banged.

HOW MANY CHICK IS IT SAFE FOR A BRO TO SAY HE'S BANGED?

n= (a/10 + s) + 5

n= number of chicks

a= Bro's age

s= inquiring chick's slut factor (1=nun, 10 former nun)

Article 49 : When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "i got it," whether or not he's actually got it.

EXCEPTIONS: Carrying an expensive TV, parallel parking an expensive car, loading an expensive TV into an expensive car.

Article 50 : If a Bro should accidently strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.

Article 51 : A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down.

Article 52 : A Bro is not required to remember another Bro's birthday, though a phone call every now and again probably would't kill him.

Article 53 : Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice.

Article 54 : A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Patty's day and other official Bro holidays, including halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13).

Article 55 : Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another Bro.

Article 56 : A Bro is required to alert another bro if the Bro/Chick ration at a party falls below 1:1. However, to Avoid Broflation, a bro is only allowed to alert one Bro. Further, a Bro may not speculate on the anticipated Bro/Chick Ration of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.

Article 57 : A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that bro has thrice confimed he wants to hear it.

Article 58 : A bro doesn't grow a mustache.

Exception: When shaving, it's more than okay for a Bro to keep the whiskers around hes mouth untill the end so that he might temporarily experiment with different facial hair configurations.

Exception: Tom Selleck.

Article 59 : A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless its out of state or, like, crazy expensive.

Article 60 : A Bro shall honour thy father and mother, for they were once Bro and Chick. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.

Article 61 : If a bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information avaliable tho his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks is Bro already knows.

Article 62 : In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If they both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who brought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo* shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there.

[tischbein 72]

Da hat wohl jemand sehr sehr viel Zeit.... alleine vorm PC.....

[tk107 4]

Da hat wohl jemand sehr sehr viel Zeit.... alleine vorm PC.....

Geistreicher Kommentar.

Gerade wenn man bedenkt, dass DU 6 mal so viele Einträge pro Tag wie der Threadersteller hast... ist also die Frage, wer hier viel Zeit alleine vorm PC hat.

[nalye 20]

Da hat wohl jemand sehr sehr viel Zeit.... alleine vorm PC.....

Du hast ein schönes Schreibbild - wie heißt Du?

[tischbein 72]

Da hat wohl jemand sehr sehr viel Zeit.... alleine vorm PC.....

Du hast ein schönes Schreibbild - wie heißt Du?

Shittest? :P