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[LetsTalkAboutIt 0]

Apologies in advance: I’m no native English speaker and I tried to keep it short, but since I share some background with this girl, it got a little lengthy anyway. Stay with me!

Met girl B at a party. Made out. I was a rebound for her, because she broke up with her (5 year) boyfriend. We start writing via E-Mail, because we wanted to clear things. First I marked it as an accident, because I’m involved with girl A. But for some reason we kept writing with an increasing amount of intimacy. Over time this somehow gained a sexual vibe to it. It is understandable, since our first encounter was sexual.

Long story short: About 1.5 month later we meet each other again and spend some time at hers, leading to the things men and women do in bed. After that we keep on writing and realize that we somehow really connected. Our E-mails get deep and emotional, sometimes sexual. We share things no one else knows. And from time to time we meet at her place, mainly hanging out in her bed and… you know. This goes on for about 6 months. The time for the meetings is arranged by me. I have a very full schedule (career) and my main interest is still in girl A (a girl I met before and care about deeply), so I had to take care, no one notices anything. In addition we both wanted to make sure, no one knows about us (no space to explain everything, but our relationship would have caused a lot of irritation and possibly anger among our mutual friends). Girl B knows about girl A btw. We both agreed on the circumstances right from the start.

It was very nice. I really liked that relationship, although it was work. And I really liked her.

After 6 month of this, she ends it.

Her main reasons:

A) I'm over my ex. this is connected to
B) Feels ready for a new "real" relationship, which I can't give to her.

I was the one who kept her at distance most of the time, arranged the meetings etc. It was okay for her at the beginning but after 6 month she realized, there would never be a real relationship between us, because I wouldn’t/was not able to leave girl A, the circumstances don’t allow it and there was too much preloading. She also stated that it wouldn’t be easy for her, but that it would be much worse, if she would have interpreted more into that relationship than it was allowed to be. That girl A would become a problem and everything is way too complicated anyway etc. It makes sense and from a logical point of view she did the right thing.

Things got a little emotional at the end and I reached out to her one more time and was a little upset about the abrupt ending too. I think I noticed I got more invested than I actually planned to do. After that we went no contact for about 6 month. Now we met over our friends again and through that got into chatting via text. First in a group chat, but I pulled her over into 1:1-Texting. It wasn’t like our E-mails, but it refreshed the memories of our good times. She seemed interested to a certain degree, tried to initiate a meeting with our mutual friends and we started a regular conversation. We also already agreed on meeting up in a neutral place (like eating ice cream), just to catch up and chat a little.

Problem: She suddenly went radio silent on me! She told me she has holidays the following week and my natural question was, if she had planned anything. She didn’t answer to that, although it was an explicit question. I feel that the no answer/off radar-thing is not appropriate since I’m really not some random stranger to her. I usually don’t tolerate that and as a consequence I haven’t reacted to that since (about 1 month now).

My assumption is: There is another guy in the picture. At first she wasn’t sure if it would work out with him, so she kept chatting with me as a maybe-backpocket. That explains why she was a little cautious with her chatting. But I guess they try for real now, and therefore she cut contact to other guys like me. I came to that assumption because she cut contact to our old social circle and is pretty much off radar by now. Therefore the radio silence doesn’t only affect me.

Question: How do I react? Do I even react at all?

I can live with the fact she found someone who fits her needs better than me, like giving her a real relationship without any background. After all I was just a rebound for her (at least at the beginning). She has issues and the facts that she ended our previous relationship abrupt on her terms and just stopped replying without any explanation is another No-Go in my eyes. A serious relationship is out of the way, but the thing we had going was pretty much perfect for me, because she is killer in bed. So just in case it doesn’t work out for her (time could be my friend), I want to position myself in the right way, maintaining the possibility that she falls back to me just for some fun.

Any ideas how I could make this offer smoothly without ruining our friendly base? Should I just stay with no contact for now and give her some space with the potential new guy, since she already knows I’m interested or should I give her some final hint after the radio silence? Should I maybe even show more persistence and reinitiate one more time?

Or should I leave her for good? This post actually proofs that I’m not fully over her, which bugs me a little. But 6 months including emotional and sexual bonds – it isn’t that easy.

Advice and opinions welcome! And thank you for reading!

 

[Jean Doe 325]

Englisch ist eine schöne Sprache, aber hier ist ein deutsches Forum. Wie sollen wir dir denn antworten, wenn man sich da durchgekämpft hat?