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[cooperx 1369]

DP Bitte Löschen.

Juni 9, 2014 bearbeitet von cooperx

[McMayhem 227]

I really don't believe this has anything to do with the TS's cultural background. The most likely of explanations is that TS is simply a drama queen as you find them in any country/culture and the guy she was dating found out about it and decided to run. As simple as that.

Juni 9, 2014 bearbeitet von McMayhem

[Robosonic 62]

Wow, die Spam-Bots werden ja immer intelligenter. Mittlerweile ziehen sie schon ganze Userscharen in eine Diskussion rein. Seltsamerweise habe ich aber noch nicht den AdLink gefunden. Raus in die Hitze Jungs und Mädels und macht euch nicht so eine Platte. Das Leben ist schön! Man muss nur die Augen aufmachen!

[OneWayTicket 547]

@DerGAUNER: i got it up to now that you guys consider an argument a drama and with the greatest respect i am happy that not everybody in this world think the same. I do not even see this as a cultural difference since i talked to my German girlfriends and they all even told me that i did not even need to apologize as it was very normal and i did not react bad to what happened... i think it is more a gender difference than a cultural one but anyhow i got this point and no discussion about that...

However i haven't got any answer for the second part... can anybody justify how this can be assumed as rational? If he thought this is drama and so on and he cannot deal with it, then he had to break up!! But he did not! Even when i tried to help him with it in case he is shy, he did not do it... he kept on texting and calling me that he wants to see me and talk to me...and then more interestingly never came and talked in the reality... or let's see how you call this person rational and me emotional in this: after all happened and as i said i did not reply him the last time... i saw him again as we work together and he asked me if i would go with him to the wedding of his best friend!!! So apparently it was not over for him...he just couldn't make any decision...like he didn't know himself what he wanted. And i answered NO as my LOGIC said it is already over... so if you say this guy has been rational and i am emotional i should really assume i come from a different planet...

About your theory of TE: seriously... no comment!!

He tries to handle as rational as he can, at the point "i had this once, i dont want to have such thing again" he made a decision which is, you are right, questionable rational.

Boys in Germany are usally shy when it is about their feelings and they dont like to talk about it. They want to solve it themselves.

However he tried to reapproach you and ask you to join the wedding. At this point it he tried to get over your dispute and just keep going. So, for him it wasnt over or at least he wanted to give a 2nd chance.

And you declined it. So for him (if he would give you a 3rd chance) it is your turn now.

About this testing stuff - it sounds rude, unfair and obvious wrong, but these are modells of the social dynamics in a relationship which has been approoved tousands of times for tousands of ppl in these forums. But the terms are vocabulary which you cant understand by now, because you dont have the background to understand what it is about, and misinterpret them. Maybe you should ask the girls about their point of view in this subforum: http://www.pickupforum.de/forum/227-ladies-room/

[LegallyHot 5562]

Actually i got no clue what the iranian culture might be like, esp if it comes to love and sex, but it might just be that - cultures.

We underestimate what impact our culture has on us and the way we behave. Just think of an italian woman seeing an english guy. To her it would be just right to be very emotional, little bit troubelish and - certainly - fighting. Italians tend to use fights als kind of a foreplay.

English don´t. They do not fight as long as they ain´t drunk or related.

Your problem might be similar.

To you a fight with a fresh Love might be a totally different thing as it is for those men.

I can´t imagine most german guys to be very aware of what the culture you grew up in and - at least partial - are living. So it would be up to you to educate them about that.

Maybe by telling first, before you get to train them on the job ;)

They might quite like it as they discover that you ain´t up to break up but just flirting.

[skf 223]

Sprecken sie German?

[DrButterface 25]

Actually i got no clue what the iranian culture might be like, esp if it comes to love and sex, but it might just be that - cultures.

We underestimate what impact our culture has on us and the way we behave. Just think of an italian woman seeing an english guy. To her it would be just right to be very emotional, little bit troubelish and - certainly - fighting. Italians tend to use fights als kind of a foreplay.

English don´t. They do not fight as long as they ain´t drunk or related.

Your problem might be similar.

To you a fight with a fresh Love might be a totally different thing as it is for those men.

I can´t imagine most german guys to be very aware of what the culture you grew up in and - at least partial - are living. So it would be up to you to educate them about that.

Maybe by telling first, before you get to train them on the job ;)

They might quite like it as they discover that you ain´t up to break up but just flirting.

I love you.

[Elia 3031]

aha.

And what, in gods name, makes you think all this could have something to do with the country the guys come from???

If all of them where blonde, would you think that all blonde people cannot stand an argument???

WTF !?!

[OneWayTicket 547]

aha.

And what, in gods name, makes you think all this could have something to do with the country the guys come from???

If all of them where blonde, would you think that all blonde people cannot stand an argument???

WTF !?!

Blond isn't an arguement, cultural background is. If you don't believe just start to studie sociology.

Why the hell everyone things that different backgrounds are something bad?

You are what you are because of the expierence you made, the meaning which influenced yourself. You have been educated to these meaning by school, by family, by friends, by gouverment, by tv-shows, by poems, by books. All these things effect your behavior.

Do you sing loud when you are sitting in a bus? There are countries where this is quiet common.

Do you get your fathers knife when you celebrate your 18th birthsday? There are cultures where this is quiet common.

Do you pray to god on sundays? There are cultures where this is quiet uncommon.

So how can you tell, that the cultural background doesnt effect the behavior and the meaning of human beings?

Juni 9, 2014 bearbeitet von DerGAUNER

[janeway 72]

A lot of german guys are actually quite submissive and into femdom

just play the strong dominating iranian girl and you will get what you want

[Individualchaotin 10234]

just play the strong dominating iranian girl and you will get what you want

If you pretend to be someone you are not, you are not going to be happy in the long run.

"Fake it 'til you make it" means that you pretend to be someone you want to become. But what if she doesn't want to be the strong dominant iranian girl forever ...

[experienced 21]

A lot of german guys are actually quite submissive and into femdom

just play the strong dominating iranian girl and you will get what you want

Jetzt bin ich einigermaßen verblüfft. Meinst Du denn, iranische Frauen wären per se "dominant und stark"? Oder meinst Du, sie soll nur so tun, als ob es so sei? Die iranischen Frauen, die ich kenne, sind schon sehr selbstbewusst, aber ich weiß nicht recht. Der Iran ist eine Gesellschaft, wo Frauen relativ wenig zu sagen haben ....

Zu Elia und "blonde" gebe ich dem obigen Schreiber voll und ganz recht. Es sind nicht so sehr die "Gene", sondern viel mehr die Sozialisation, die uns prägen. Das gilt für verschiedene deutsche (Sub-)Kulturen genauso.

Ich wechselte jetzt bewusst ins Deutsche, weil ich mich in dieser Sprache besser ausdrücken kann und die TE das Geschriebene außerdem verstehen wird. Zur Not eben mit Wörterbuch oder Übersetzungshilfe.

[1qa2ws3ed 232]

Elia hat hier ausnahmsweise mal vollkommen recht.

[all€ 446]

Ey How About We Also Say Something About German Women?

I'd be really interested about the different opinions and experiences.

Personally, I do not really appreciate the "harmony" stuff so much. I gets playing german women really annoying. Many of them just can't take some good old negging. They just do not understand the irony behind, and I suddenly feel like talking to a Goldfish

BUT on the other hand, there are also many wonderful, crazy, high intelligent HSE girls around.

I would say, this German culture stuff is good for harmonic relationships and but often really bad for the negging and playing. Really I did not met so much German girls who know how to have a really fun time just "dissing" the other part.

I really miss the real, authentic feminine fire in many, many german girls.

But not enough, many of them try to behave like a teenager child in teasing.

And the rest of them just act and behave more like men than women. Totally want-to-be dominant superior, because they have made bad experiences and now try to be strong in the wrong way.

Last but not least, I'm of course talking not about ALL german women. But a high percentage unfortunately.

Am I right or do you see it different?

[DrButterface 25]

Ey How About We Also Say Something About German Women?

(...)

And the rest of them just act and behave more like men than women. Totally want-to-be dominant superior, because they have made bad experiences and now try to be strong in the wrong way.

I am totally with you, that last phrase nailed it. Most women here in Germany try to act and behave like men and try to be dominant, and they're mostly extremely narcissistic in doing so and expect everything to go after their mind. They mostly have a very small comfort zone and tend to easily reject things (and men) that don't easily fit into their little pink castle. They're very rarely willing to fight for something and mostly prefer pragmatism over intensity. And ofc intensity is something that YOU have to produce by sacrifice, for they will rarely sacrifice anything, but rather expect to be served.

Gotta love foreign or rare german HSE women :)

[all€ 446]

"pragmatism over intensity"

" They mostly have a very small comfort zone and tend to easily reject things (and men) that don't easily fit into their little pink castle."

no, THIS nailed it man!

And you know what, even immigrant women from totally different cultures, like spain or italy, who grew up here or have lived here for some years,

tend to loose their beautiful feminine side, that we all love and adore so much: Not trying to be a man, being this wonderful, irrational, sometimes weak and stupid, but mustly just breath-taking, emotional being, who sees the world with completely other eyes.

death to over-pragmatism in women people.

Juni 9, 2014 bearbeitet von allan snyder

[DrButterface 25]

"pragmatism over intensity"

" They mostly have a very small comfort zone and tend to easily reject things (and men) that don't easily fit into their little pink castle."

no, THIS nailed it man!

And you know what, even immigrant women from totally different cultures, like spain or italy, who grew up here or have lived here for some years,

tend to loose their beautiful feminine side, that we all love and adore so much: Not trying to be a man, being this wonderful, irrational, sometimes weak and stupid, but mustly just breath-taking, emotional being, who sees the world with completely other eyes.

death to over-pragmatism in women people.

Yup, it's the loss of dedication - which has been substituted by pretention.

It's mostly me, me, me.

[Barristan the Bold 688]

OT:

This is kinda fun. Can we have a sub-forum where we pretend to be English?

[Ilovesummer 4]

@Kninchen: To be honest, if it is not too bad if one does not know it, I had no clue what this forum is. It is more than 8 years that I am far far away from the virtual discussions and forums in internet. I was searching for some related stuff in internet ad it brought me here and then I thought it would be nice to ask my question here… so it was completely accidental… this is however interesting that you see it positive, for me it was 100% negative, not denying that shy guys are more attractive to me… but when it goes to problem management, I need a bit more strength in it…

@ experienced: This was really funny and interesting… Well, to some extent you are right and to some extent not! As I mentioned before I am very much against generalization but if I want to talk about typical Persian guys… they can be very nice, gentleman, loving, caring, romantic, etc esp if they fall in love but the problem I had with my typical Persian boyfriends was their jealousy and also they not being honest… most of arguments are related to these two issue… to most of them, lying to keep the person or to avoid annoying them is a very common justified thing to do! Regarding your statement in that thesis that conflicts are usually not negotiated in families, I guess this is not true about young educated generation… but for the previous generation it has been to a high extent true! Then you said my attitude toward the function of argument seems contradictory to what you know… well as I said firstly for young educated people, they tend to be different, second I do not consider myself a typical Persian girl… not saying I am better than the others but I just try to make my personality out of any border… it might be because of what I study, because of my uncle who had a great impact on my life –as I never had a good relationship with my dad, he was to me as a replacement and I spent most of my childhood with him- he is amazing in negotiation and discussion, one can discuss with him for hours without getting mad or upset! Or it might be because of my very multicultural previous relationships and affairs… for any of these reasons or a combination of them, I am like that now! However I should admit that I read this part of your comment with very big eyes

Maybe you never had any relationship in Iran - which is possible, because in this country having sex "before marriage" is sanctioned, people live with their parents, cannot get a flat if they are not married etc. So maybe you came with some expectations to Germany which you now find not true?

I was 24 when I left Iran, how on earth could I be single till 24?! Well no, here you are wrong… I dated many guys back home and started a relationship with three of them… although many things are sanctioned back there by government, but people anyhow do what they want! What you described is the traditional style of living in Iran… it is also important from which part of Iran you are, Tehran or other big cities have a very different story from the smaller ones…. Apart from living with boyfriend in the same house before marriage, the rest are completely common and normal in big cities… So I had relationships back home, I had sex, I haven’t lived with my parents since I am 19 and I used to live with my boyfriend when we were together… it also depends from which family you come… if they are conservative or religious, you might find it hard to do these things, and basically what happens at the end, is that you do them but in secret… that thanks god I didn’t have this problem as my family are quite open…

" My question is rather: what did you do? how did you do it? Did you smash plates or hit the guy? Anything like this? Shouting should be still in the range of the acceptable, depending upon the reason. But certainly not for a discussion of where to go on holidays ...."

This part made me really laugh out loud … not because of what you said, I was just imagining myself doing them… no I never did these things… well if you read post #25, you will get your answer, I didn’t even shout… I just told him with lowest possible volume that “it was the last thing I would have expect you to do” and then I left as I prefer not to talk when I am angry or upset… to have things under control and not to ruin it in a way that you cannot build it up again… but this was probably still too much for him :D

And regarding your last point in German, I can confirm that women have little rights comparing to men by law… but this is again government and law… not family relationships which are very much the opposite…

DerGAUNER: that could be a possible answer for what he did… But hell no! I do not want to be with someone who has no stable personality, at one point he wants it over and the other point he wants me back… I am not a toy! So there is no third chance! No matter how much I like him! And btw this is what I call being rational! That even if you like someone but you see no future or no way to work it out, you should just finish it forever, and not playing a game of fight between heart and logic and changing your mind every second! But apparently our definitions are very different…

@LegallyHot: maybe my main difference from your point of view is that I do not call it a fight… I call sth a fight if it includes any of the following: hitting, breaking things, swearing, or shouting… none of these happened… so I define it as an “argument” … basically not only I educate them beforehand about the culture, but I also inform them about my own personality and characteristic…so fair enough, from the very first date we had, he knew that I am a girl who just leaves for a few hours or sth after an argument to just calm down and can speak rationally! I hope I was clear enough ;)

@ Skf: du brauchst nicht mich verarschen, ich spreche Deutsch aber nicht so toll! So glaub mir, wenn ich auf deutsch schreibe, wuerdest du mehr mich verarschen! ;)

@ Elia: this is the third time i am repeating this ;)... I am the last person who would generalize… but there are some stuff which are typical in most of people in a country and people of that country would know it better than me as a foreigner, so I just ASKED it here to see if I am missing a point… just wanted to see if this is normal and common here or not…

@janeway: well I am by nature dominant… so I don’t need to play anything… and this is something that some guys appreciate and some hate!

@DrButterface and allen Snyder: from my experience with my German girlfriends, they told me very often that they prefer dominant guys but they are pushed by guys to act strong and dominant as this is what guys like… but a few friends cannot be representative, maybe it was just their opinion… Germans here probably can give you a better answer…

[Gast Kuddel]

I agree with you. His behavior involves several strange actions and there's no reason for you to follow up from this point.

And it would be so easy for him to handle it.

If a girl is becoming a little jealous and starts becoming a little more emotional, it's more than anything else one thing ... it's really cute and adorable.

[MohnMarzipan 0]

Your impression is correct: disputes within the first few months of a relationship are viewed as very negative. The beginning of a relationship should be about sex and having a fun time together. Fights make people believe that they won't get along with a person for very long. Therefore, the men leave you.

But in general: A man who seems to have no friends and hobbies and has time to chill with you daily, and a man who says "I love you" so quickly leads me to believe that you are making mistakes during your screening, before you even enter a relationship.

Maybe the man loves her and thats why he spends so much time at the beginning of their relationship? I did the same, because it was the best ever happened to me in my life, so the first months I spend most of the time with my girlfriend.

[Gast ImWithNoobs]

Obv the guy got advice by this board to freeze you. Praise pick up

[Individualchaotin 10234]

Maybe the man loves her and thats why he spends so much time at the beginning of their relationship? I did the same, because it was the best ever happened to me in my life, so the first months I spend most of the time with my girlfriend.

Do you want me to be happy for you, because another person is the best thing that ever happened to you in your life? I think it's quite sad and makes me believe you didn't experience much in your life on your own. A relationship should be a great Add-on to your already great life. Not the only reason your life is suddenly great.

In addition, I do not believe in love from the get go. Love develops after a couple of months. In the beginning, chemicals in your brain make you like someone and you are beginning to fall in love.

[Barristan the Bold 688]

Maybe the man loves her and thats why he spends so much time at the beginning of their relationship? I did the same, because it was the best ever happened to me in my life, so the first months I spend most of the time with my girlfriend.

Do you want me to be happy for you, because another person is the best thing that ever happened to you in your life? I think it's quite sad and makes me believe you didn't experience much in your life on your own. A relationship should be a great Add-on to your already great life. Not the only reason your life is suddenly great.

In addition, I do not believe in love from the get go. Love develops after a couple of months. In the beginning, chemicals in your brain make you like someone and you are beginning to fall in love.

Big news: people are different, people fall in love differently, people express their feelings differently and people have different needs, priorities and world views. No need to rain on his parade because he is not you and doesn't share your views and values.

[Cheez 138]

Honestly, I'd pack my things and run, as well, if my girlfriend started arguments this soon into a relationship.

Trust me, it won't get better later on.

This is coming from a 39 year old guy who has almost 20 years in 5 different long term relationships now behind him.