The Problem With Being a Nice Guy , quelle: sosuave newsletter
Don Juan,
Are you a nice guy?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I'm a nice guy too.
Super nice. Too nice maybe.
Just like you!
And we nice guys... we like to act... well... nice.
And this can be a problem sometimes.
Here's One Big Problem...
Approaching a woman.
Or rather, not approaching a woman.
You think when you approach a woman that you are annoying her, harassing her, and being a nuisance.
And you are a nice guy. A gentleman. A scholar.
And you do NOT accost women in public. You are not that kind of guy.
So you leave her alone. You ignore her.
Oh, you see her, out of the corner of your eye. ("What a fox!") You would love to meet and talk to her and find out what she's like. Maybe get a number and a date.
But now is not a good time. Not now. She is busy. She looks busy.
Walking, looking at stuff, thinking. She does not want to be disturbed.
So you stay away. You respect her wishes.
You don't approach. You don't smile. You don't start a conversation. You don't compliment her. You don't get a number or a date.
And you never see her again!
Gone forever.
*Poof *
Probably home to some JERK who doesn't even appreciate how incredible she is.
* sad face *
Bad Thinking
You think you are being polite and good and awesome by not bothering her. Making the world a better place. Making it safe for gorgeous women like her to go out in public.
What a guy you are!
* Clap, Clap, Clap *
But...
Actually...
I disagree.
I think you are being quite rude. And selfish. And disrespectful.
You are NOT the nice guy you think you are.
You Have Great Power With Women
As a man you must understand this...
You have great power with women.
You can make a woman happy. Or you can make her sad. Or you can ignore her completely and make feel invisible and irrelevant.
And when you fail to approach and appreciate and compliment a woman, you are ignoring her.
You are making her feel invisible, unappreciated and irrelevant.
On the other hand, when you approach, smile, and say hi... you are complimenting and appreciating a woman, and helping to make her day a little bit better.
This is your power with women. This is one of the reasons it's great to be a man.
The Man Approaches
You see, in our society, the man approaches.
The woman waits.
The man is bold and brave and courageous.
The woman waits.
The man chooses who to approach, who to talk to, who to start a relationship with.
The woman waits.
The Approach Is Power
Some guys see this as unfair.
"I mean, why should I have to do all the approaching and risk getting rejected, while the woman just sits there and does nothing?"
But you see, this is the wrong way to think about things. The approach is POWER.
You are a man. You have the POWER to choose who you will approach, who you will smile at, who you will talk to, who you will ask out on a date.
The woman, she just waits.
She makes herself look beautiful, she smiles, she acts friendly, she tries to be approachable, she gives off signals... and she waits.
She's waiting for you!
She's waiting for an awesome guy to approach and start something.
So... if you are a nice guy (as you claim!), how about you stop ignoring her and start something already.
You see approaching a woman and talking to her is NOT a confrontation. It is not rude and inconsiderate. It is a compliment.
You have taken time out of your busy day to speak with her. You do not, after all, approach every woman you see.
But she is special. She is worth approaching. You want to meet her and talk to her.
She will be flattered. She may be a bit flustered. She may not know what to say exactly.
But she will appreciate you and your compliment. And whether you walk away with a phone number and a date or not, you will have brightened her day and made her feel special.
How You Think Is Everything
You see it's all in how you think.
I like to think of approaching a woman as a compliment rather than an accostation.
We're not approaching women. We're not accosting them. We are not ominous and scary and evil.
We are complimenting them. We walk up, we smile, we say hi, we compliment, we laugh, we have fun, and we make her day.
We are good guys. Nice guys. Awesome guys.
Bold - Brave - Courageous
By approaching her, you show her that you are a MAN. You are confident. You go after what you want.
You are nice, YES, VERY! But you are also bold and brave and courageous.
Women find this very attractive.
Women like guys who are bold and confident and go after what they want. Just by approaching her you elevate yourself above all the other guys in the room. You become the alpha, the head lion, the big man on campus.
The other guys, they can only watch from the sidelines.
We Love Compliments
Think about it.
If an attractive woman approached you and said "hi" or "It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" how would you feel?
Would you be annoyed? Would you be rude and tell her to go away? Would it matter if you already had a girlfriend?
Of course not. Even if you were in a serious relationship with an amazing girl, you would find her approach to be flattering. You would like it. It would make your day a little bit better, make you feel important and special. And you would think that she was pretty freaking cool too.
Well, when it comes to compliments and self-esteem boosting thingies, men and women are just alike. We love them. And we especially love those who bless us with them.
It's Time to Take Action
So, when you see a beautiful girl that you would like to get to know better, don't hesitate. Do not think of yourself as a nuisance.
Put one foot in front of the other, walk right up to her, and try your darndest to make this girl feel appreciated.
"I'm going to say hi and make this girl happy."
That is what you think. That is who you are. An awesome guy spreading love to all the beautiful women of the world.
Don't Believe This Myth
Contrary to what some guys think, beautiful girls are not constantly approached and harassed by men. They do not have horny guys humping their legs all day long. Unless, she is at a bar or club where approaching is the norm, she will rarely get approached.
Guys may notice her at the bookstore, but they won't make eye contact.
Guys make notice her at Starbucks, but they won't say hi.
Guys may notice her at the mall, but they won't approach and compliment and exude charm and charisma.
But you are different. You are awesome.
When you see a girl that you like, you approach, you appreciate, you compliment, you smile, you say hi.
That's why girls love you.
That's why guys envy you.
And that's why they call you Don Juan.
Good luck!
Allen
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